33 weeks and so many feelings...(ramblings of a pregnant woman)

I was reading back on my almost weekly updates I did when I was pregnant with Colton and realized other than announcing the pregnancy, I haven't written about it at all, except pictures on instagram. In a lot of ways this pregnancy has gone faster and better than Colton's. I haven't been as sick, and I haven't been working a job that I hate, those two things combined have made this so much more enjoyable! But I am just not a fan of being pregnant. Some people say they love it. I think those people are lying (haha). A big thing I struggle with while pregnant is insomnia. More than just getting up all the time to use the bathroom, I just can. not. sleep. and this is almost my entire pregnancy. So on top of the exhaustion from growing a person, I barely get any sleep, and that makes me a crazy zombie. But that is ok! I am grateful for these little people I get to bring into our family!
I got really upset last night for a very silly, but legitimate reason. Colton has been so awesome lately. He has been so fun and for the first time in his life I just don't want him to grow any bigger. This would be the perfect age forever. He is so sweet and adorable and our day to day lives are so great. The evenings and weekends are so fun with dad at home. Our family is in such a wonderful place, I don't want it to change! Colton is my whole world. I feel silly even typing this, but I feel like I'm cheating on him by having another baby! That may sound crazy, and I logically understand that my love will double, and Colton will love his brother and it will be so wonderful, but just being honest, I can't comprehend another child, Colton has come first and taught me so much, this next baby will be a little imposter! I feel bad that my attention will be divided and Colton won't be my only focus anymore. I know it will be different once the baby comes, and our family will adjust and it will be great, I am just being hormonal and emotional. And one day I will read back on this post and my heart will be so full of love.
I always thought once you had one kid, adding more kids was so much easier, because you know what you're getting into, but feeling the way I have has humbled me yet again. I never expected to feel like I am betraying Colton by having another baby. Maybe when we add a third baby I won't feel like it's such a huge adjustment (queue future Shannon laughing). Motherhood continues to teach me so much!!
Anyway, as far as a pregnancy update goes, baby boy is head down. I have consistently measured two weeks ahead, which really means nothing haha, and everything looks good! I have gained 28 lbs so far, which is pretty much exactly what I gained with Colton at this point. I am 46 inches around, and I never measured with Colton, I wish I could have! I will be attempting a VBAC with this baby, and am actually freaking out about it. I have no plan or idea of how the delivery will go this time, other than there will be drugs, and early. Other than that, baby is in the driver's seat, and as long as he comes out healthy, everything else doesn't matter, VBAC or not. My doctor is really optimistic though, especially since he is head down so early, hopefully that will open my hips and pelvis a lot more than Colton did, since he was breach until about 36 weeks.
I saw this picture on pinterest and just about died

This is so me. I have purchased exactly 4 things for this baby. A rock and play sleeper, a double stroller, a new diaper bag, and a box of size 1 diapers. That's it. We don't have a nursery set up for him at all, since Colton is still in the crib. He will kind of sleep in our room, and then in the pack and play in the room next to ours until Colton is ready for a toddler bed (yikes). It is so funny what perspective you have with your second baby. We went on a hospital tour a few weeks ago (basically to just figure out where to go when I go into labor) and we were the only couple there having our second baby. Everyone else was asking about birth plans and squat bars and jaccuzzis and I was the only one asking about where a c-section would be done, and how early I can get my epidural, and if I can eat at all during labor. But we were those people the first time around, and I absolutely hope their births go the way they are planning!

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