Real Life

My sweet babe is about 14 weeks old, and I have to say, there are so many things about motherhood that are shoved under the rug. In this internet-age, everyone's perceived lives are perfect. Perfect smiles, perfect projects, just the perfect things we portray to the online world. Sadness, loneliness, and inadequacies, whether perceived or actual, aren't talked about.
One of my favorite favorite bloggers, Chandra from Oh Lovely Day did an awesome post regarding her experience with Motherhood Comparisons, and I loved it, read that here. She talks about the facade that we put on as moms, and goes on to discuss some of the less pretty things she feels, and that we need to be less hard on ourselves!
I realize I have fallen into the "perfect life" trap, only sharing parts of my life that are deemed worthy to share. However, I think it is also important to level with people, especially those who may think we have it all together. So here is my real talk. my negatives. my real life.

I am 20lbs away from my pre-baby weight, and working out for 3 weeks straight has budged the scale 1 single pound. Looking in the mirror is sometimes painful, and heaven forbid ANYONE takes a photo of me.
I have angry red stretch marks all over my belly, hips, and legs. It looks like I was attacked by something feral.
My poor post c-section belly is so saggy and sore, I can barely believe there are muscles under there.
Absolutely none of my clothes fit, so my wardrobe is now made up of one pair of maternity jeans (for special occasions...ha.), several pairs of leggings, and tons of baggy tunics to hide the above mentioned inadequacies.
I use the binky way more often than I should, it is such a crutch.
I let my baby watch tv with me, and not anything remotely educational (think pretty little liars...), and the amount of tv that is being watched (especially over the past week since I have felt under the weather) is down right embarrassing.
Nursing anywhere but in our designated nursing chair in our room, with our boppy, is near impossible. Even thinking about nursing outside of the house gives me such bad anxiety. Spewing milk, screaming boy, exposed mom, frustrated mom. All of which happen basically every time.
My kid is so stinking particular, letting anyone else hold  him when he is happy is super hard for me, because inevitably, he will end up screaming and I will have to re-calm him down for the next 20 minutes.
Although being vehemently against co-sleeping, Colton has taken to sleeping with us from about 4 am- 7 am. He refuses to sleep in my arms, the crib, the swing, or anywhere but between mom and dad during this time of night.
Sometimes when Colton is happy, I leave him to do whatever he is doing, and go about doing what I need to get done, basically ignoring him, until he is unhappy...this can last up to an hour and a half.
I have left the house, alone with the baby, probably 10 times since he was born. I feel like a complete shut in. Sometimes we go 2 days without even going outside. This is because he absolutely DESPISES his car seat. No matter what I try, he screams every time he gets buckled in, and he screams and screams until he falls asleep or is taken out, so every time I reach our destination I have to formulate a plan on how to carry him (either by ergo carrier or solly wrap), or hope that he falls asleep in the seat and hurry to complete my shopping/errands with his massive carseat in the cart.
I have NO idea how moms with more than one child  get by. So many times I can barely handle one, and he is even happy most of the day!
After this list, I could basically invalidate everything I've just written, and talk about all the good things, because really, there are SO many good things too, but I will leave this list at that. The good things are talked, facebooked, instagrammed, and blogged about every other time, so for once, I'll let some of the less pretty things out, in hopes that moms out there who might feel the same way I do can read it and know they aren't alone,

1 comment :